Stories

Can we talk?
That’s the question most bosses don’t want to ask. Even though most employees thrive when they receive clear feedback, 69% of bosses and team leaders report being uncomfortable talking to their employees.

No doubt, being the bearer of bad news can be risky. Unless you have developed skills for constructive feedback, straight talk can lead to awkward situations, emotional outbursts, or worst of all, subtle reprisals.

But what about good news? A surprising number of managers—nearly one in five—are uncomfortable delivering positive news. This is especially true when it involves giving other people credit for success. Whether it’s good, bad, or neutral news, too many leaders avoid it.

If it feels risky to give feedback, it’s even riskier not to.

According to the Center for Creative Leadership, 20% of job skills needed for success are acquired through feedback, usually from the boss. That means, if you’re avoiding feedback to your team, they can’t learn how to perform their best. Your team results are likely to be average or below-average, which doesn’t help your career either.

People who are good at giving feedback have a competitive edge. In a study of 50,000 people in 140 organizations, the ability to develop direct reports is ranked dead last of 67 performance competencies according to Michael Lombardo and Robert Eichinger. Frequent, structured feedback is essential to acquiring this much needed skill. Luckily, it’s a skill you can learn and get better at, and worth the effort. Excellent employee communications can increase your chance for promotion and career advancement. With regular feedback, your team is likely to improve results and increase their efforts, all of which will help you get noticed.

Eight Tips for Successful Feedback
Planning out your strategy for a feedback conversation will increase your chances for good results. Try these 8 tips for giving feedback successfully:

1. Take a soft approach
For feedback to be useful, it has to be perceived as non-threatening. If an employee feels under attack, they can go into flight/flight/freeze mode and chances of a productive conversation go downhill. Start with recognizing something positive and let them know you value them and their work. That said, there is more you would like them to do. Ask if you can give some direct feedback. They might not like it, but you’ve put them in a position where they are giving you permission to deliver tough feedback. It builds trust and helps them get into a frame of mind to listen.

2. Start with facts
Once you are ready to address the tough issue, stick with facts everyone can agree on. Steer clear of judgments and accusations by avoiding the word “you” at the start of the sentence. Instead, frame the situation as something you have observed. “Joe, I’ve noticed you’ve been coming in late to Wednesday meetings” or “Susan, I noticed your sale numbers are not quite up to target levels.” Give the employee a moment to consider the facts as you present them, and to acknowledge that the observation is accurate. Allow a little silence for thinking before you move on.

3. State a clear goal and establish why it’s important
After the situation is established, let the employee know what your goal is. Whether it is a behavioral problem, an issue with focus or effort, or sub-par performance on technical skills or tasks, let them know what needs to change and why it’s important. “I’m counting on you to get to meetings on time. Your lateness affects everyone, and other people may feel you’re wasting their time when they have deadlines to meet too.” A little perspective about how behavior can affect others is sobering. No one wants to let down peers or supervisors.

4. Engage in mutual problem solving
Ask employees what will help them come up to the task. At this stage, make sure you spend at least as much time listening as talking. They may have a personal issue getting in the way of performance. If this is the case, encouraging a personal day or asking advice of an expert within the company shows support, and most employees will reward your understanding with greater effort and loyalty. If there is a lack of some resource—a skill they need to develop, not enough time or other resources to get the task done—work together to find a solution. Usually it is most effective to try quick, small experiments and agree to talk soon.

5. Identify Obstacles to Overcome
In a rush to be positive or end the conversation, many leaders forget to discuss what problems might be encountered. Identifying potential setbacks ahead of time can help your employee voice concerns and find ways to work around or overcome trouble spots, improving overall chances of success. Whether it is encroachment of other duties, lack of a fundamental skill, or dwindling motivation, it’s important to identify possible pitfalls. Sometimes long-term thinking is required to sustain performance and improve results.

April 9, 2020

6. Agree on an action plan and timeline
Before you leave, make sure you both have the same plan of action and timeline for getting it done. Confirm the plan in writing via email. Then check in frequently to hold the employee accountable. If what they are trying doesn’t work, help them learn from the failure, regroup, and try something else. If it succeeds, build on it for more success.

7. When good news feels bad
In the case that you have good news to deliver, but you’re reluctant to give other people credit, consider reframing this as an opportunity for your own emotional and leadership growth. You may be used to being the shining star, and it’s hard to give that up. Eventually, though, not sharing credit where it’s due leads to career flame out or derailment. Better to own up to it and learn to be a part of a successful team. Coaching can help you figure out ways to grow your self-awareness and stretch emotionally to become a better team player.

8. Make feedback regular and expected
Feedback gets easier when it is done regularly. When there is no routine for delivering news, asking for a meeting heightens tension for the simple reason that it is uncommon. Scheduling regular meetings to discuss how things are going, resolve obstacles, and find areas for the employee to stretch and grow, will create an atmosphere where small corrections help avoid larger problems later. As a bonus, you’ll be developing a skill that will give you a competitive edge as you develop in your career path.

One last note: If you have #MeToo concerns, remember two simple rules. First, keep a professional distance. Anything closer than 18 inches is too close for most people. Second, any touching more than a handshake can be uncomfortable.

A coach can increase your skills for giving feedback by offering practice and role playing. Coaching can also give you individualized tools for handling your emotions and staying calm if things don’t go well. If you can’t get an outside coach, look around for someone in your firm or even a friend who is good at this. Ask them for advice and offer a lunch or drinks in exchange.

Tough talk gets easier when you practice it. Try a few low risk situations to get the hang of it and work up to harder conversations. Don’t be surprised if, pretty soon, someone else offers you lunch just to ask how you are getting such high performance from you team.

Lisa Foster is an executive coach specializing in emotional intelligence, communications, and leadership (Lisadfostercoach.com). She is certified in emotional intelligence assessments and tools, has a Ph.D. in English and taught persuasive writing, and has over 10 years’ experience as a successful entrepreneur. She helps her clients discover the interpersonal and communication skills that allow them to naturally emerge as leaders in their career. Lisa is also the proud parent of a Northeastern alumnus and a member of the Northeastern University Corporation.